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Unanswered echoes.

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Other Poetry -> Unanswered echoes.
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backstreetdreamer
Young Dreamer


Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Location: Ashington(England)
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votes: 6

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 7:59 AM    Post subject: Unanswered echoes. Reply with quote

I walked with you again
on the cliff top
by the Abbey,
where the gulls
were weaving patterns
in the lonely
evening skies,
while the silver spires gleamed
on the harbour's
tired waters,
as the sunset
kissed the ocean
in the mirror
of your eyes.

I stood within the mouth
of the waiting
cave of echoes,
as the lapping
of the waters
tried to take
away my pain,
and I listened for the whispers
of the love we
shared together,
but the silent
voices told me
it would not
return again.

I thought of you again
by the dreaming
cross of Caedmon,
as his psalms
of past remembrance
gently lingered
in the air,
and for just a fleeting moment
in the purple
twilight nocturne,
I could feel you
stand beside me
and could sense
that you were there...
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Maggie
Moderator


Joined: 10 Aug 2005
Posts: 6449
Location: Eastern USA
Reputation: 2884Reputation: 2884
votes: 103
Currently Reading: "Snippets of Life" by Peggy Harwood

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 9:59 AM    Post subject: Unanswered Echoes Reply with quote

Hi backstreetdreamer,

Magnificent description!! Wow!! Laughing Laughing

Beautiful poem!! Magnificent title!!!! Laughing Laughing

Peggy

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"Then he thinks he knows/ The hills where his life rose/ And the sea where it goes." from the "Buried Life" by Matthew Arnold
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Grannie2
Moderator


Joined: 22 Sep 2005
Posts: 670
Location: AL USA
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votes: 16

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 11:52 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi Keith,
A beautiful write and I also loved your title.

I did find a spelling error (harbour's should be harbor's). I also discovered that if some commas were replaced with periods and words shuffled or removed, it seemed to flow better to me.

I have this problem of relating what I think, to others. So, I find it much easier to show. You may use if you like, that is up to you. LOL Great write thank you for sharing.


We walked again
on the cliff top,
by the Abbey,
where the gulls
weaved patterns
in the lonely
evening skies.
The silver spires
gleamed on the
harbor's tired waters
as the sunset
kissed the ocean
in the mirror
of your eyes.

I stood within
the mouth
of the waiting
cave of echoes,
as the lapping
of the waters
tried to take
away my pain.
I listened for
the whispers
of the love we
shared together,
but the silent
voices told me
it would not
return again.

I thought of you
again by the
dreaming cross
of Caedmon,
as his psalms
of past remembrance
gently lingered
in the air.
For just a
fleeting moment
in the purple
twilight nocturne,
I could feel you
stand beside me
and could sense
that you were there...

_________________
Caryl Muzzey

"It's not what you gather, but what you scatter
that tells what kind of life you have lived." SCBWI
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backstreetdreamer
Young Dreamer


Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Location: Ashington(England)
Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5
votes: 6

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 11:58 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Carole, and thanks for the suggestion, but if you read the poem out loud in the way it was meant to be, you will see that the way I have written and formed it is correct. Keith.
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scripter
Student


Joined: 09 Aug 2006
Posts: 90

Reputation: 67.6
votes: 3

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 17:59 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

what a lovely write.
I must agree that for me the original version
works quite well.
The images and feelings enter through the eyes
then find home in sacred places.
Thank you for sharing.
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Wordworx
Site Admin


Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Posts: 5065
Location: Isle of Wight County, Virginia
Reputation: 2959Reputation: 2959
votes: 83
Currently Reading: True Ghost Stories of Ireland

PostPosted: Tuesday, 29 August 2006, 18:22 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

An exceedingly lyrical and eloquently expressive masterpiece, Keith! Further praise would be paltry. 'Nuff said!

Enraptured Roy

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Poetman
Respected Advisor


Joined: 23 Aug 2005
Posts: 893
Location: North Carolina
Reputation: 1521.1
votes: 32

PostPosted: Monday, 04 September 2006, 8:32 AM    Post subject: Unanswered echos Reply with quote

I like it and have no problem with leaving it just like it is...James

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Deborah Lynne
Moderator


Joined: 16 Aug 2006
Posts: 2102
Location: Ohio
Reputation: 1374.4
votes: 31

PostPosted: Monday, 04 September 2006, 8:39 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Wonderful!!! I love it all...title, topic, form and the rhythm! Fantastic!!! Very Happy

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darlene ozley
Leader Of The Industry


Joined: 12 Dec 2005
Posts: 535
Location: georgia girl
Reputation: 398.1
votes: 12
Currently Reading: The Bible

PostPosted: Monday, 04 September 2006, 19:34 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

VERY MOVING POEM.
The understanding that you
were alone in the last 2 stanzas.
It was a feeling poem.
Thanks for sharing.

dozley

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"Remember yesterday, dream about tomorrow, but live today"
dozley
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