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White rabbits.

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Other Poetry -> White rabbits.
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backstreetdreamer
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PostPosted: Friday, 23 April 2010, 8:20 AM    Post subject: White rabbits. Reply with quote

White rabbits in the clouds again, and other things I cant explain,
Like washing drying in the sun, and white lace curtains being spun,
And faces smiling through the lace, soft voices from another place,
That ask me never to forget those starlit nights when we first met,
Each graceful silken countenance looked only for another chance
To muse again on sunny days, on other worlds and other ways,
On muslin air stitched satin rain, and days when we will meet again
In dream held precious memories, as fingers touch across life’s seas.


As dormice waken in the Spring, they rub their eyes and softly sing
Of winter slumbered sights that gleam, and every silver silent dream
That traced it’s fingers on their head while they slept soundly in their bed,
Of Summer days that beckoned long, of whispered winds and Robin’s song
And in the lark winged Summer flow, with natures glories still aglow
They’ll feast on blackberries and haws, while rabbit friends on far off shores
Think fondly of those long gone times, of parties, songs and nursery rhymes,
While dormice rub their eyes once more, and doze just like they did before.


And as the visions gently pass, came Alice through the looking glass,
Behind her from the rabbit hole, White rabbit sang with heart and soul
His watch was dangling on it’s chain, in jewel painted Summer rain
He knew at once that he was late, and thought that Alice wouldn’t wait,
But when he saw her standing there, in white lace dress and golden hair
He hugged her with his memories, as fingers touched across life’s seas,
And faces smiled upon the air, at stories that they used to share
For muslin air stitched satin rain can heal the most incessant pain…
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poet1108
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PostPosted: Friday, 23 April 2010, 11:15 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear backstreetdreamer:

From someone who in my senior years still loves to sit and watch the clouds and all the figures therein that continue to ever change, I have so enjoyed your write here. And yes, even Alice through the looking glass was one of my favorite childhood stories. A wonderfully awesome write! May we have more please.

KayD
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Maggie
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Currently Reading: "Snippets of Life" by Peggy Harwood

PostPosted: Friday, 23 April 2010, 15:17 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi BSD,

This poem is just lovely, line after line of exquisite language that just seems to flow so well. I'm curious. About how long did it take you to write? I could take a lifetime and still not be able to write so beautifully!!!

On the other hand and perhaps it's just me, but there is one phrase that I just can't comprehend. It sounds melodic and gorgeous and rhymes well, but I don't really know what it means. The phrase is "muslin air stitched satin rain," and it defies my comprehension. "Muslin" is coarse cloth I know, but I can't help from wondering how "muslin" can be "air stitched." I'm a former seamstress and have never heard the term "air stitched." Is it a British term that I just haven't heard of? Also, I am puzzled that you use a very different type of cloth to describe the rain as well. You describe it as "satin." Muslin is coarse and satin is smooth. Can you possibly use the two to describe the same noun, rain. Of course, perhaps the phrase is intended to be non-sensical like "Alice in Wonderland" for you write the "other things I can't explain." Is that what I'm supposed to guess?


Quote:
White rabbits in the clouds again, and other things I cant explain,
Like washing drying in the sun, and white lace curtains being spun,
And faces smiling through the lace, soft voices from another place,
That ask me never to forget those starlit nights when we first met,(Needs period after "met," I think.) Each graceful silken countenance looked only for another chance
To muse again on sunny days, on other worlds and other ways,
On muslin air stitched satin rain, and days when we will meet again
In dream held precious memories, as fingers touch across life’s seas.


As dormice waken in the Spring, they rub their eyes and softly sing
Of winter slumbered sights that gleam, and every silver silent dream
That traced it’s fingers on their head while they slept soundly in their bed,
Of Summer days that beckoned long, of whispered winds and Robin’s song
And in the lark winged Summer flow, with natures glories still aglow
They’ll feast on blackberries and haws, while rabbit friends on far off shores
Think fondly of those long gone times, of parties, songs and nursery rhymes,
While dormice rub their eyes once more, and doze just like they did before.


And as the visions gently pass, came Alice through the looking glass,
Behind her from the rabbit hole, White rabbit sang with heart and soul(Needs period after "soul.")
His watch was dangling on it’s chain, in jewel painted Summer rain
He knew at once that he was late, and thought that Alice wouldn’t wait,
But when he saw her standing there, in white lace dress and golden hair
He hugged her with his memories, as fingers touched across life’s seas,
And faces smiled upon the air, at stories that they used to share
For muslin air stitched satin rain can heal the most incessant pain…



I meant the praise as genuine when I implied that this is gorgeous, but I'm not able to get the gist of meaning yet.


Peggy

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"Then he thinks he knows/ The hills where his life rose/ And the sea where it goes." from the "Buried Life" by Matthew Arnold
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Wordworx
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PostPosted: Monday, 26 April 2010, 5:57 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

This is liltingly-written, as per your usual style, BSD! It's somewhat convoluted in its expression, but not disagreeably so.

Peggy, until BSD enlightens us, my own impression is that the air is coarse, and the rain is cleansing and softening it. "Stitched" is merely the metaphoric tool used to convey the action, seemingly. As in, ". . . the first drops of rain stitched a random pattern in the dust before the downpour began in earnest."

I'll be interested to see BSD's response to this.

Erratic Roy

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backstreetdreamer
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Joined: 13 Aug 2006
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PostPosted: Monday, 26 April 2010, 9:42 AM    Post subject: White Rabbit Reply with quote

BSD has no response whatsoever.
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Wordworx
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Currently Reading: True Ghost Stories of Ireland

PostPosted: Monday, 26 April 2010, 14:08 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

As you wish, then.

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everardo
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PostPosted: Monday, 26 April 2010, 14:36 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Woah, backstreetdreamer. I love your first two lines. They are enough for me. I can see in my minds eye, my mother hanging the wash in the back yard, while a soft summer wind blows the wash dry. I needed that. Do you write like this all the time? Great gad zooks, great job. Best regards, ev.
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haniel45
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PostPosted: Monday, 26 April 2010, 19:10 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

In part - this makes me think of the reason behind Jefferson Starship's song "White Rabbit". Which,to me, is a faithful rendition of Lewis Carroll's book.

Despite the obvious punctuation errors, this is what is known as ART!

IMHO, this poem is entertaing and splendiferous! I say, enjoy it for what it is and everybody get their panties unbunched!

No, I'm not on anything, drinking, or miffed. Applause

Peace ~ Cindy ~

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Maggie
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Currently Reading: "Snippets of Life" by Peggy Harwood

PostPosted: Thursday, 29 April 2010, 12:15 PM    Post subject: For Fun Forums Reply with quote

Hi BSD,

Perhaps you would like to know: We have an entire array of forums with no critiques: It's titled the For Fun Section. It is just for encouragement and praise, and no suggestions for improvement . It is near the bottom of the Index Page and it is Romantic, Inspirational, Humorous and Limerick, Other Poetry, and Cowboy Poetry.

You might want to post there. Many people do.

Peggy

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"Then he thinks he knows/ The hills where his life rose/ And the sea where it goes." from the "Buried Life" by Matthew Arnold
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Maggie
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Joined: 10 Aug 2005
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Currently Reading: "Snippets of Life" by Peggy Harwood

PostPosted: Thursday, 29 April 2010, 14:16 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi BSD,

Thank you for your kind PM. I look forward to seeing more poems from you.

Peggy

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"Then he thinks he knows/ The hills where his life rose/ And the sea where it goes." from the "Buried Life" by Matthew Arnold
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Wordworx
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PostPosted: Saturday, 01 May 2010, 15:53 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

This post has been moved from the main Poetry Workshop.

Roy

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