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The cross of tomorrow.

 
Post new topic   Reply to topic    Home -> Forums -> Other Poetry -> The cross of tomorrow.
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backstreetdreamer
Young Dreamer


Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Location: Ashington(England)
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PostPosted: Thursday, 29 April 2010, 22:25 PM    Post subject: The cross of tomorrow. Reply with quote

When the day turns to gold and the clouds creep away
And the things that I feel, I have no need to say,
When the sea and the sky join together as one
Before every last moment of twilight has gone,
When the air is so still there is no need to sing
Of the wondrous connections tomorrow may bring,
And the sea gives up softly itís whispering sails
For the cross of tomorrow has no need of nails.


When the night feels like silk as it brushes my skin
When my soul is as deep as the dreams I am in,
While the mist fluttered ribbons of life tie my heart
The race still can be won, though Iím taking no part,
When a smile is like lantern light lighting the way
And the shadows of evening have nothing to say,
There is still a sensation of wonderment felt
At the cross on the hilltop where Caedmon once knelt.


Though my eyelids are heavy they hold back the night
For there are so many poems I still have to write,
And so many good reasons to wait for the day
There is so much to treasure, and so much to say,
As the sky cries in silver, Iíll sit on a wall
And listen to faraway sea birds that call,
With a sense of contentment they soar on the air
As my moments pass into eternity thereÖ
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poet1108
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Joined: 11 Sep 2009
Posts: 873

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votes: 22

PostPosted: Friday, 30 April 2010, 4:46 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Keith:

What an awesomely beautiful write with such an air of peacefulness and reverence in each line. Thank you so much for baring heart and soul.

KayD
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Voyager
Master Of The Craft


Joined: 06 May 2008
Posts: 485
Location: UK
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Currently Reading: Nicholas Nickleby

PostPosted: Friday, 30 April 2010, 6:09 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

A lovely poem. The only suggestion I have for improvement is to try and get rid of some bitty words. For example:

Quote:
When the night feels like silk as it brushes my skin


how about :

When the night feels like silk brushing my skin

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backstreetdreamer
Young Dreamer


Joined: 13 Aug 2006
Posts: 49
Location: Ashington(England)
Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5Reputation: 225.5
votes: 6

PostPosted: Friday, 30 April 2010, 11:23 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hello Voyager, unfortunately your suggestion does not have the right syllable count, which I prefer my poems to have, as the old masters of traditional poetry did. Keith.
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Wordworx
Site Admin


Joined: 16 Jul 2006
Posts: 5065
Location: Isle of Wight County, Virginia
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Currently Reading: True Ghost Stories of Ireland

PostPosted: Saturday, 01 May 2010, 15:52 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

This work has been moved from the main Poetry Workshop.

Roy

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